Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
