it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
