I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
