Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
