you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
