woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
