oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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