The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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