We're like a lot better than the average bears
Can i not drive my cunt home
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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