i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
