What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
