that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
