Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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