We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
