i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
