so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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