The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
