Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
