I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize