im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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