do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
