Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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