I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
