His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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