I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
