So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
