College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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