there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize