my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
