Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I touched a dick in church today
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
