Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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