that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
