my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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