I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
