Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
