I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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