Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
