so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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