I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
