i need an iv and a liver transplant
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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