i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
