butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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