dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
