I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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