Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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