She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
