She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
