Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
