the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
