I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
