i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They have beer where we have blood.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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