I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
