In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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