i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
