NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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