Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize