Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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