I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
