went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
