I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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