i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
