Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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