I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
