I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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