sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
