not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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