I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
