I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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