I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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