that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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