I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
