At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
