it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
