OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish I only lived at night.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
