I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We talked him into tasing himself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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