Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
