If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
