THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
