The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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