He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
