can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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