think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
