well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
