Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
