Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
