1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
