WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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