he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Small penises have feelings too.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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