I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize