I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
