sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
