he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
